Yes, I stole that from Brandi Carlile....but I like to consider her AMAZING show the other night my inspiration point so all forgiven, right? .. more on that a bit later..
This is the time of year when many people give up 'bad' things/choices/people for a certain amount of time for a type of penitence. Being raised a Baptist I never experienced Ash Wednesday and Lent....though I have always been quite curious about the ritual. So, just as life would have it...inspiration and action coincided....and I am one day into giving up my ghosts.
Tuesday. It started on a cold night in a warm theater hearing a skilled voice telling the truth in such a way you couldn't not hear it. It reminded me we are all simply and grandly storytellers. Some of us much more resistant to share and in return less prone to live. So, being inspired by talent and truth I decided to find a way to clean out some tangled thoughts and start piecing together my story.
(I was kinda hoping I've have some time before I actually had to do that.)
Wednesday. Yep. The very next night I got together with some new friends for a weekly study and much to my surprise we had an intimate 'Ash Wednesday' ceremony..... We had been discussing what we hold onto the most for a few weeks and I never really thought I held onto to anything or anyone. After a few minutes I wrote down what I needed to let go of on a piece of paper and set it aflame...the ashes then marked on my forehead....Ghosts of bad choices and haunts of what I do hold onto, unhealthy relationships.
Again, I'm new to all this but I do think anytime you come face to face with the person you actually are it can be powerful and heartbreaking. Our stories are the layering of the choices we make or don't make...regret is wasteful but looking back is necessary.
Thursday. I'm more conscious of my choice though hasn't really affected me... yet. I'm not willing to say I'm giving this up for 40 days as is 'the rule'... Those that know me know I'm pretty all or nothing. I am willing to say I might be letting this out of my life forever... or later pursuing it with abandon ...but over the next 40 days I will see how my life/thoughts/ actions change without it...
I suppose it would have been easier to give up unhealthy eating or shopping...both of which affect my life but to the surprise of my avoidance nature; this is what I think about, plan for and spend my days with and its a chapter I have to tell.