Monday, February 22, 2010

the way we were

Wouldn't it be lovely if we were old? We'd have survived all this.
And everything would be easy and uncomplicated, the way it was when we were young- Katie, It was never uncomplicated. But it was lovely, wasn't it? Yes, It was lovely.

In my quest of facing my relationships it just so happened facebook was the mirror to my most unhealthiest of all.
There HE was in the right column, my friend suggestion....and after a quick thought I clicked on him.... and its funny how something can seem soooo long ago and yet so recent....The ring on his finger didn't hurt like I thought it would.. it just made him look like a totally different person, not the person I had always imagined him to be. And as all the memories, words and choices came like colored flashes in my mind a familiar feeling was in my stomach...regret.
(And this is the part no one says or agrees with)...I regret the choices I made.
I realize that those choices made me who I am...but I still think I need to regret them to make sure I never do them to you not regret touching a hot stove and burning yourself?
Yes, for a time it was grand...until I let it come between the most important things to me. I'm not trying to be overly dramatic but from a girl that has had a few long term relationships..there are no other regrets. No other times where I did not know, nor like at the end, who I was.
I have to say there is no blame here...many times two healthy people can come together and become very unhealthy...its just the mixing of wrong ingredients...and in comparison I'm proud of who I have become...the choices I have made and how the 'unhealthy' in my life now is so much tamer than that.
So far this experiment has made me realize why my 'healthy' has been set where it is in my life...and why, for a season, my light was dimmed.
Now the enrichment so many bring to my life far outweighs those that might diminish.
And to you, your girl is lovely.

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