Friday, February 26, 2010

Castle made of sand

It went better than I thought.
Telling someone you are giving them up for 40 days can be a bit harsh..but he understood me and my motivations so well it made me sad, determined and a little more confused.
See for most-unhealthy means abusive, derogatory and/or manipulative. Sadly, I believe in that definition but I also know the stealth unhealthy...the kind that makes you tired to be around them(more on this another time), the kind that somehow influences your views, conversations and free time. The one in your life you haven't been with for two years but you still feel emeshed with and though you say you are ready for a relationship...he is still the one you are in a relationship with.

Now mind you I can flip a thought or relationship over and over in my head, washing all the depth and meaning off like the tide rolling away the sand. So what I consider unhealthy others might not...and vice versa.
Oddly, we both get we need this evaluation time....for two people that are as "fundamentally different" as we are, we have to know if this is just comfortable for us now. We all do this sometimes...this staying because its easy, its familiar and because we think we are too old/too picky/too busy to try again with someone new.
It makes it a little easier because (as God would have it)...he is out of town for the next month. Currently I'm anxious, more than a little sad and already becoming more introspective(that could be trouble)...I'm thankful for friends that lighten my load, laugh at me and keep me sane. In 24 hrs I've learned I am so appreciative of the way in which someone can know me and my tremendous quirks and pursuit of truth and still love me with such depth.

1 comment:

  1. I adore you and am thankful to be a part of your journey.